How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
