When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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