saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
