i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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