You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
