the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
