when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
