What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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