So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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