I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
