failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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