wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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