i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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