HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
