I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
