How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
