i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
