So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
