just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
