my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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