My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
