you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
