How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
