I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
