I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
