There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
