A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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