A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
