I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
