Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
