You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
