I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
