im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You've changed since you got that strap on
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
