Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
