Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
