I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
