What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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