i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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