We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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