I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
