I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
