I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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