hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
