He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
