She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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