i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
