Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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