Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
