Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
