okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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