I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
